“TEAM VAN LINDEN”

WELL, IT SEEMS THE PUBLIC OUTCRY IS FAR BEYOND ANYTHING EXPECTED. DR. FORTISCUE VAN LINDEN HAS BEEN UNDER INTENSE SCRUTINY LATELY SINCE WIKI LEAKS SHONE SOME BRIGHT LIGHTS INTO AREAS WHICH HAD REMAINED HERETOFORE IN THE PERIPHERAL SHADOWS.
DR. VAN LINDEN HAS TAKEN MANY A THORN OUT OF MANY A LION’S PAW OVER THE DECADES, AND NOW, MORE THAN EVER, IN RESPONSE TO THIS UTTERLY SHABBY TREATMENT BY THE MEDIA, HIS THRONGS OF SUPPORTERS AND BELIEVERS ARE RALLYING TOGETHER WITH A PASSION. BELOW ARE JUST A FEW EXCERPTS AND TESTIMONIALS FROM THE THOUSANDS OF PUBLICATIONS THAT ARE CURRENTLY EXPLOITING THIS NEWS BLITZ…

FIRSTLY, WE BEGIN THIS COVERAGE WITH ONE SINGLE, IMPASSIONED WARNING FOR DR. VAN LINDEN…FOLLOWING THAT ARE SEVERAL TESTIMONIALS FROM STAUNCH MEMBERS OF “TEAM VAN LINDEN”.

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THIS VAN LINDEN IS PLAYIN’ WITH FIRE…CRUISIN’ FER A BRUISIN’…IF HE’S NOT CAREFUL AND ALL THIS SORDID STUFF KEEPS SURFACING HE’S GONNA END UP…….

PLAYIN’ TAG ON THE TOTEM
JACKIN’ WHALES
IN A SQUEAKY SEQUENCE
DOIN’ THE SCRAM BOOGIE
HAVIN’ BIZZO UP THE GIZZO
JUKIN’ THE JIKA
CHOMPIN’ THE CHARLIE BAKER
TAKIN’ CAIN AND ABEL FOR SUNDAY BRUNCH
COLLECTIN’ CONFETTI
BEIN’ BOBCAT BOOB-CAT
HAVIN’ A HOT MINUTE
FLIPPIN’ THE FLOWER
GOIN’ “MEATBALL AND CHAIN”
MUNCHIN’ A SHIV SURPRISE

IT STRKES ME THAT SOMEONE OF DR. VAN LINDEN’S STATURE WOULD WANT THIS BUFFOONERY AND QUESTIONABLE INVOLVEMENT WITH SOCIETY’S UNDERBELLY KEPT FIRMLY AT BAY AND UNDER WRAPS… AND I SAY RIGHTLY SO…SADLY, IN THE AGE OF THE SOCIAL NETWORK, THAT OPTION IS NO LONGER VIABLE.
I FOR ONE WILL BAND TOGETHER WITH ALL OTHER TRUE SUPPORTERS OF DR. VAN LINDEN’S WORK AND VISION, TO STAND TALL AND DEFLECT A GOODLY SHARE OF THE NEGATIVITY AND OBDURACY CURRENTLY BEING HEAPED UPON HIM SO UNFAIRLY. WE HOPE, FORTHWITH, TO SEE A FORMIDABLE CHANGE IN THE MEDIA’S TREATMENT OF DR. VAN LINDEN.

EVER VIGILANT,
A CONCERNED CITIZEN (WHO SHALL REMAIN ANONYMOUS AT THIS TIME)
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YEAH…HEAR HEAR…HERE HERE…LET’S HEAR IT FOR VAN LINDEN…HE STITCHED ME UP ONE TIME OVER ON CATALINA WHEN I’D BEEN CHOMPED IN THE TWIG AND BERRIES BY AN EMU…DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB…ALMOST COSMETIC…YA’D NEVER KNOW…
LEAVE VAN LINDEN ALONE…HE’S THE PEOPLE’S FRIEND…
I’M “TEAM VAN LINDEN”…

YER DARN TOOTIN’,
IRVING PITLER, CATALINA ISLAND,
CALIFORNIA 90210
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MORE SUPPORT COMING IN…

MY HUSBAND GOT BUSTED BIG TIME FOR SELLIN’ HORSEMEAT IN THE ALL YOU CAN EAT BORNEO COOKPOT IN BROKENHEAD, NEW MEXICO. DR. VAN LINDEN COVERED HIS BAIL AND ROBUSTO WAS BACK AT WORK WITHIN A WEEK. YES, THE COOKPOT EVENTUALLY LOST ITS LICENSE FOR EVERYTHING BUT ALCOHOL AND BECAME A DRUNKEN ARCADE, BUT NONE OF THAT WAS ROBUSTO’S DOING. FORTISCUE VAN LINDEN DESERVES BETTER THAN ALL OF THIS…
I’M TEAM VAN LINDEN…
SINCERELY,
LUPITA “GRIDIRON” ZAGAZEUSKISS
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OH BROTHER…GOOD OL’ “GRIDIRON” ZAGAZEUESKISS…STRINKY AND LINKY SAID THEY SAW HER AT THE GREEN DAY CONCERT AND APPARENTLY SHE’D REALLY LET HERSELF GO…THE OL’ “COMBO MAMBO”, KNOW WHAT I MEAN…? AHHH, GOOD OL’ GRIDIRON…I REMEMBER THE TIME SHE GOT POPPED FER STEALIN’ ALL THEM GOLFBALLS FROM KILDONAN GOLF COURSE…
LOTSA PEOPLE WERE PLAYIN’ “TWILIGHT GOLF”…IN OTHER WORDS, AS MANY HOLES AS YA COULD GET IN FROM AFTER SIX TILL THE SUN DISAPPEARED ALTOGETHER. GRIDIRON WOULD DRESS ALL IN BLACK AND SKULK AROUND THE GREENS, GRABBIN’ THE BALLS BEFORE THE GOLFERS GOT THERE TO PUTT…DUSK WAS HER ALLY IN THIS PARTICULAR BRAND OF CHICANERY…
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IN THE DAYS BEFORE TELEVISION, WHEN A 78 RPM RECORDING WEIGHED ABOUT THREE POUNDS AND WOULD NEVER SURVIVE EVEN THE FIRST DROP TO THE FLOOR, A CERTAIN FAMILY HAD A MINOR CRISIS ONE WINTER NIGHT. OUR NEIGHOUR’S YOUNG BOY, JERRY, WAS DETERMINED TO BREAK THE HEART AND SHATTER THE CHILDHOOD BELIEFS OF HIS NEIGHBOUR TO THE LEFT, CHUCKY TRUCKY. THE MEAN HEARTED JERRY WAS JEWISH AND HAD KNOWN SINCE BIRTH THAT THERE WAS NO SANTA CLAUS. NEVER HAD TO BE “WEANED” OFF SANTA, THE WAY THE GENTILES WERE. ONE CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE EARLY NINETEEN FIFTIES, DESPICABLE, MEAN SPIRITED, DARK HEARTED LITTLE JERRY DECIDED TO EXPOSE THE LEGEND OF ST. NICK. RIGHT IN FRONT OF CHUCKY TRUCKY. HE CLIMBED UP ONTO THE ROOF OF THE HOUSE WHERE CHUCKY TRUCKY LIVED WITH HIS FAMILY, AND, FACING THE BACK LANE, PERCHED HIMSELF DOWN IN THE DEEP, SOFT SNOW. HE HUDDLED IN THE COLD AND WAITED, FULLY INTENDING TO STAY TILL MORNING AND NOT SEE ANY SIGN OF SANTA ALL NIGHT. TROUBLE WAS, HIS YOUNG WARM MOIST BOTTOM FROZE QUICKLY TO THE ROOF AND JERRY WAS STUCK THERE. A BLIZZARD WHIPPED ITSELF UP, AS IS THE WONT OF THE PRAIRIES IN DECEMBER. JERRY’S PARENTS HAD NO IDEA THAT HE’D CLIMBED UP NEXT DOOR AND FROZEN HIMSELF TO THE ROOF OF THE CHUCKY TRUCKY’S.
AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT, DR. VAN LINDEN WAS COMING HOME FROM HIS CHRISTMAS EVE SHIFT OF FREE MEDICINE TO JUNKIES AND BULLSHITTERS, AND HE SPIED YOUNG JERRY, PROBABLY NOT MORE THAN HOURS FROM EXPIRATION, HAD NOTHING BEEN DONE. UP CLIMBED DR. VAN LINDEN AND BROUGHT THE BOY DOWN, AS NATURALLY AND SMOOTHLY AS THOUGH IT WERE SOMETHING HE DID EVERY DAY. ACTS LIKE THESE FAR OUTWEIGH YOUTHFUL INDISCRETIONS…
I’M FIRMLY TEAM VAN LINDEN.
SINCERELY,
WILLIE “THREE ON A MATCH” BADIGLIA
BRUNSWIDDING, FAIRNSBRIDGE, TOTTENHAM ON TYNE, U.K.
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MY NEPHEW, HARLAN “FLOSSEM” MIRUZNIKUKK VENTURED UP TO THE ARCTIC CIRCLE WITH WITH STARS IN HIS EYES…UP NEAR FORT ST. JOHN AND THE SURROUNDING AREA IN NORTHERN BC. HE’D HEARD ABOUT NICK SPANOGENNES, THE GREEK BILLIONAIRE WHO’D FIRST TAKEN CABLE TELEVISION NORTH OF THE MAIN PROVINCES, A MAN WHOSE FORTUNES HAD SPIRALED SO RAPIDLY HE WOULD REGULARLY FOUND SCHOLARSHIPS AND GIVE AWAY TRIPS TO COMPLETE STRANGERS, ENABLING THEM TO FLY TO PAMPLONA, FIRST CLASS, AND RUN IN TERROR FROM THE BULLS. WHAT A GUY…
ONE MIGHT EASILY SAY THAT SPANOGENNES WAS HARLAN’S IDOL OR MENTOR OR INSPIRATION, OR ANY ONE OF A DOZEN OTHER SAPPY NOUNS FOR SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WHICH STIRS AMBITION WITHIN THE OH-SO-VERY-UNEXCPETIONAL. BUT NO. HARLAN WANTED THE EASY FLASH…RIGHT NOW AND ALL OF IT…FAST FOOD=FAST LIFE…FAST GIRLS, FAST MONEY, FAST RIDE…
HARLAN BORROWED A LOT FOR SHOW, AND STARTED REALLY FLASHIN’ IT AROUND UP IN THE NORTHLANDS. HE STUCK OUT LIKE MIKE LOVE AT A RALLY FOR STABLE BEHAVIOUR. HE WAS A TRAIN WRECK WAITING TO OCCUR, AS IT WERE. HARLAN GREW SO HYPER, THAT DAY TO DAY LIFE BECAME A BIT OF A BLUR. HE BEGAN TO GET THE DAYS MIXED UP, HABITUALLY MISSING THURSDAY’S SPECIAL AT STEVE’S SUB SHOP (LARGE MORTADELLA, TWO FOR ONE ON THURSDAYS) AND DETERIORATED TO THE POINT OF NEEDING SERIOUS HELP.
DR. FORTISCUE VAN LINDEN SWEPT MY NEPHEW UP, FLEW HIM TO MAUI FOR SIX WEEKS OF SUMMER WEATHER, LIFE CHANGING THERAPY, AND GENTLY REINTRODUCED HARLAN TO THE REAL WORLD, BRILLIANTLY ENTICING HIM AWAY FROM THE FAST LANE CIRCUS INTO WHICH HE’D SUNK SO DEEPLY. HE WAS EVEN ABLE TO RID HARLAN OF HIS OBSESSION WITH FLOSSING THIRTY TO FIFTY TIMES DAILY, FINALLY ALLOWING HIM TO LOSE PERMANENTLY THE HIDEOUS HANDLE OF “FLOSSEM”…LESS THAN SIX MONTHS LATER, HARLAN WAS MARRIED TO MARYANNE MISTROOPNIA OVER ON ATLANTIC AVE. AND THEY NOW HAVE TWINS…HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR DR. VAN LINDEN’S UNBOUNDED KINDNESS AND RARELY PARALLELED BRILLIANCE, I WOULD NOT BE A PROUD GREAT AUNT TODAY.
LET THE SHADOWS REMAIN IN THE SHADOWS…
I’M TEAM VAN LINDEN.
SINCERELY
LESLIE MIRUZNIKUKK RN, BA, MK, DD, DDS, DVS, PERMAFROST

BACK IN THE COMMONWEALTH

DECOMPRESSION…WHAT RECESSION….?
NOW TONIGHT, IT’S TORONTO. I’M NOT TRYNA SOUND LIKE SOME HOTSHOT GLOBETROTTER, JUST TYPING. REFLECTING ON WEDNESDAY, I WAS VERY SURPRISED AT HOW FAST WE GOT FROM 57TH AND MADISON TO LA GUARDIA…AND OUR DEPARTURE WAS ONLY DELAYED 25 MINUTES. VERY SMOOTH. IT USUALLY ISN’T ANYMORE IF YOU’RE FLYING PUBLIC. PRIVATE IS ANOTHER THING ALTOGETHER, BUT I DON’T DO THAT ALL THE TIME. TODAY WAS THE CORRAL. I’LL BE 63 NEXT MONTH, SO IT’S A FACTOR. I’M LESS AND LESS COMFORTABLE IN THE CORRAL…WE’RE THE CATTLE. LITTLE LINES YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW LIKE MICE…SHOES OFF, BELTS OFF, COMPUTERS OUT, COATS OFF, POCKETS EMPTY, COINS OUT, PAT BALLS, GRAB JUGS, FULL BODY SCAN NOW AND THEN…I KNOW FULL WELL IT’S NECESSARY NOWADAYS, IN THE AGE OF THE JIHADISTS. THAT’S ONE OF THE MAJOR REASONS I DETEST FLYING PUBLICLY ANYMORE. IN ONE SENSE, THE TERRORISTS WON A MAJOR BLOW. THEY MADE THE FREE WORLD ADOPT AN ENTIRELY NEW SET OF RULES CONCERNING TRAVEL. WHEN I FIRST FLEW OUT OF WINNIPEG BACK THERE EONS AGO, AIRPORTS DIDN’T EVEN HAVE METAL DETECTORS…(funny thing though,..when The Last Temptation of Christ played in Century City in 1988, I recall having to pass through a metal detector about fifty feet in front of the counter where ya got yer popcorn…seems there were some very devout RC’s who were gettin’ mighty uppety…)
TRUTH BE TOLD, THE WHOLE DEAL GETTING FROM ONE MAJOR CITY TO ANOTHER TODAY WASN’T NEARLY AS BAD AS I HAD EXPECTED. MUST ADMIT HONESTLY, AFTER A WEEK IN MANHATTAN, TORONTO SEEMS QUITE CALM. ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. TORONTO IS PRETTY BIG, BUT MANHATTAN IS MANHATTAN. I CONSIDER MYSELF PRETTY AWARE ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, AND BELIEVE ME, IT BEAT ME DOWN AFTER A WEEK…NOT DOWN, PER SE, BUT I SURE AS HELL GOT SHAKEN AND STIRRED…ONE OF THE SADDEST SIGHTS IN ALL OF UPTOWN WAS THE STEPS OF THE PRESBYTERIAN CATHEDRAL ON 5TH AFTER DARK TUESDAY NIGHT, WHEN EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE DOUBLE FRONT ENTRANCES HAD ONE HUMAN BEING UNDER CARDBOARD AND SLEEPING BAGS…THE STEPS OF THE CHURCH WAS HOME FOR THE NIGHT. ONE WOMAN YESTERDAY SAT ON MADISON WITH A SIGN SAYING “AUTHENTIC HOMELESS…SLEEP ON STEPS OF ST. THOMAS” (OR PERHAPS ANOTHER SAINT), AND SHE SAT DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AVENUE FROM THE CHURCH WHILE THE SUN WAS OUT. IT WAS EYE OPENING AND NUMBING FOR ME IN A CERTAIN SENSE. MY MOTHER TOOK ME TO MANHATTAN WHEN I WAS ELEVEN. I GOT THAT FIRST SMACK IN THE FACE FAIRLY YOUNG. I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO PRETEND TO BE ABLE TO CONVEY THE VIBE OF MANHATTAN THROUGH THESE KEYS…IMPOSSIBLE…PAST IMPOSSIBLE. I’M SITTING IN DOWNTOWN YORKVILLE TONIGHT, DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM WHAT WAS ONCE THE RIVERBOAT CAFE, A TINY BASEMENT COFFEE HOUSE WHERE LIGHTFOOT, STEPHEN STILLS, JONI MITCHELL, OSCAR BRAND, NEIL YOUNG, GOD KNOWS WHO ELSE PLAYED BACK IN THE WORLD OF THE HIPPIES, AND ALL THIS IS A TEAR IN THE WIND…I THOUGHT TORONTO WAS A BIG CITY, BUT I HADN’T BEEN TO MANHATTAN FOR QUITE A WHILE. DID A THING THERE WITH BACHMAN ABOUT FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO, AND ONLY SPENT TWO NIGHTS. THIS WAS ENOUGH TIME FOR IT TO GRAB ME IN…THE ADRENALINE…YOU FALL PREY TO ITS RHYTHMS AND SOUND…EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE IS ENERGY, SO DOES IT NOT FOLLOW CORRECTLY THAT THE CITY WITH THE MOST MANIC ENERGY ON THE PLANET WOULD DO SOMETHING TO YOU,,? OF COURSE IT DOES. I HAD JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH BY THIS MORNING. BY THE WAY, I GOT A REALLY GOOD PHOTO OF THE PAINTING I MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY AND THIS ARTIST HAS A HUGE PORTFOLIO, ALL SIMILAR TO THE ONE YOU’LL SEE. TORONTO, AS HUGE AS IT IS, WOULD BE MORE LIKE THE FARM TEAM OF ONE OF THE MAJOR LEAGUE ORGANIZATIONS…IT’S CALM HERE, EVEN THOUGH AS THE TORONTO ELEVEN O’CLOCK NEWS BLARING BEHIND ME IS ALL ABOUT MURDERS TONIGHT, RELATIVELY SPEAKING, IT’S CALM.
AND TORONTO ROLLS UP…IN NEW YORK YOU CAN WALK INTO GREAT SPORTS BARS AT FOUR IN THE MORNING AND WATCH LIVE SPORTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD AND SWILL DOWN ALL THE NEWCASTLES YOU WANT. DAY IS NIGHT AND NIGHT IS DAY…THAT’S MY KIND OF DEAL…TO ME, THE MOST REDEEMING POINT OF ALL CONCERNING MANHATTAN. FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THIS WHO LIVE IN RELATIVELY SMALL CITIES AND TOWNS, IT’S HARD TO CONVEY TO YOU THE SENSE OF AGGRESSION THERE. I WAS PRESSURED LIKE A DORK, A PRIZE RUBE TWO OR THREE TIMES WHILE I WAS THERE, AND I’VE BEEN AROUND A BIT. AND I WAS NOT VISITING MRS. GREEN…FULLY COGNISANT…JUST DORK DU JOUR…
ONCE WAS ON THE WAY IN TO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. ALL WE WANTED TO DO WAS GO UP THERE AND SHOOT A BIT OF FOOTAGE, MAINLY FOR THE CLUBHOUSE…BIT O’ SILLY COMMENTARY, FEW VISUALS FROM THE TOP OF ONE OF THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD, AND OFF WE GO…SO GETTING OUT OF THE CAB, BARELY AS MY FIRST FOOT HAD HIT THE GROUND, THIS GUY IN A RED AND BLUE “SKY RIDE” JACKET HAS MY MASTERCARD IN HIS PORT-O-SLAM THERE ON THE STREET, AND IN THREE BREATHS I’M IN FOR A HUNDRED AND SEVEN BUCKS…NOT A BIG DEAL, BUT SOMETHIN’ SEEMS A BIT OFF TO ME…INFLATION AND ALL, TWO PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE A HUNDRED AND SEVEN JUST TO GO TO THE 86TH FLOOR…LONG STORY SHORT, IT’S THE AGGRESSION. I HAD INAVERTENTLY PAID FOR THE “EXTRA THRILL DEAL”, THE SKYRIDE, A VIRTUAL HELICOPTER TOUR IN AND OUT OF THE SKYCRAPERS…OH BROTHER…IF I WANNA SIT IN FRONT OF A FUCKIN’ COMPUTER SCREEN, I WOULDA STAYED IN MY HOTEL ROOM WITH MY MAC BOOK…SHEESH…
HE, IN HIS AGGRESSION, HAD NEGATED THE INFORMATION THAT THE SKYRIDE WAS A SEPARATE DEAL FROM THE VISIT TO THE OBSERVATION DECK
(oh brother,..and the news plows onward in the background, informing us about Internet trolls desecrating memorials in cyber space…nice goin’ mankind…)
SO NOW, JUST FOR THE PRINCIPLE OF IT ALL, I WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT JUST FOR A VISIT TO THE OBSERVATION DECK AND NOT FOR THIS LITTLE COMPUTER PIECE. NOW I HAVE TO TURN INTO NUREYEV…I HAVE TO DANCE, BIG CITY STYLE. UP TO ONE FLOOR, BRING THE MASTER CARD, OH SORRY, YOU CAN’T TAKE THAT MONOPOD PAST SECURITY, DOWN HERE, THIS WAY, THIS LADY WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU, OH YES SIR, I’VE CALLED MY MANAGER, AND ON AND ON AND ON…IF I HAD BEEN ON THE GAME WHEN I FIRST GOT OUT OF THE CAB, I WOULD HAVE SAVED MYSELF ABOUT FORTY MINUTES…DORK DU JOUR…
SEVERAL NIGHTS, VERY LATE, I WALKED DOWN 57TH TO 7TH, PAST CARNEGIE HALL AND THE DIRECTOR’S GUILD THEATRE, TURNED LEFT ON 7TH AND HEADED FOR RAY’S PIZZA. I KNOW THERE ARE BETTER PIZZA PLACES, WELL I GUESS THERE ARE, BUT FOR ME, IT’S PRETTY GREAT…IT’S A CHAIN, BUT IT’S NEW YORK AND IT’S DAMN GOOD. THE SAME GUY IS OUTSIDE RAY’S ON SEVENTH EVERY NIGHT…HE’S IN A WHEELCHAIR, PRETTY YOUNG, DRESSED IN SERIOUS RAGS, WITH HIS CUP IN HIS HAND. I GAVE HIM PAPER MONEY EVERY NIGHT…NOT A QUARTER OR SO, BUT ABOUT TEN OR TWENTY BUCKS. I THINK ON THE THIRD NIGHT HE KIND OF RECOGNIZED ME, BUT I CAN’T BE SURE. BUT THE LAST NIGHT, AFTER SEEING ME GIVE HIM A TWENTY I THINK, THIS OTHER STREET GUY FIGURED ME FOR AN EASY TOUCH. AND IN A SECOND HE WAS IN MY FACE..AND I MEAN, IN MY FUCKIN’ FACE…SCREAMIN’ ABOUT “HELLO, I KNEW YOU’D BE COMIN’ ALONG TONIGHT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT”, AND SHAKIN’ HIS CUP RIGHT IN MY FACE…WHEN I SAY IN MY FACE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW, HE WAS ALL OVER ME. I WAS KIND OF FREAKED FOR A MINUTE…HALF LOOKIN’ DOWN FOR A KNIFE…JUST KINDA FELT NOT QUITE RIGHT…SO THIS GOES ON FOR A GOOD HALF BLOCK…LOUD, CREEPY, FILTHY, AND AGGRESSIVE. SO I GAVE THIS ONE A QUARTER AND SPED UP MY WALK BRISKLY. IT WAS ABOUT TWO IN THE MORNING, BUT THERE WERE STILL WALL TO WALL PEOPLE ALL OVER THE STREETS. NO ONE LOOKED TWICE AT HIM OR ME…I THINK IN GENERAL, THE LOCALS, AND I MEAN THE TRUE LOCALS, HAVE BECOME SOMEWHAT NUMBED TO GUN SHOTS, HONKING HORNS, CAR ALARM SYSTEMS, TRAFFIC, GENERAL CONGESTION, FOOD PORTIONS, AND PRICES OF JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. THE GAP BETWEEN THE HIGH AND LOW ENDS WAS MORE OPENLY EVIDENT TO ME DURING THE LAST WEEK. AND I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH FOOD IS THROWN AWAY ON A NIGHTLY BASIS, EVERY NIGHT OF THE YEAR. IT’S BEYOND MY MINISCULE GRASP. AS IS THE MYSTERY AND WONDER OF HOW IN GOD’S NAME THEY EVER GET ALL THAT GARBAGE OUT, EVERY NIGHT, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, AND NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, AND YEAR AFTER YEAR…
I GUESS I’M TYPING SO MUCH AND SO FAST BECAUSE I’M DECOMPRESSING. IT’S ALMOST LIKE GETTING THE BENDS AFTER A DIVE, ALTHOUGH I’M ONLY IMAGINING THAT, NEVER HAVING DIVED… (oh brother)
MY GOOD GOD…IT’S THE ENERGY…THE ENERGY. I’VE BEEN AROUND QUITE A BIT OF THIS THIRD STONE FROM THE SUN, AND TO MY PERSONAL WAY OF THINKING, NO OTHER CITY ON THE PLANET HAS THAT ENERGY..NOT EVEN CLOSE…OH I’M SURE THE STUFFY EUROPEAN SOCIALITES AND ARISTOCRACY WOULD ARGUE…ROME, BARCELONA, PARIS, BLAH BLAH BLAH…NOT EVEN CLOSE…COMPARED TO NEW YORK CITY, ALL THOSE OTHER URBAN HIVES NEED A TRANSFUSION. I CONSIDER MYSELF FAIRLY AWARE, I’VE SAID IT BEFORE…
WELL, TONIGHT I REALIZE HOW LITTLE I REALLY KNOW. MY EYES HAVE BEEN OPENED AGAIN TO ANOTHER LEVEL OR DEGREE. I SAW A DIFFERENT AMERICA THERE. I WALKED RIGHT UP TO AND STARED RIGHT INTO THE EYES OF THE CHASM…THE GROWING CHASM…THE PROFOUND CHASM…NEVER HAVE I SEEN A BIGGER OR MORE DISTURBING GAP BETWEEN THOSE WHO HAVE AND THOSE WHO HAVE NOT. IN BEVERLY HILLS THEY HAVE MANY OF THE SAME STORES…BUT IN BEVERLY HILLS, THERE ARE NO PEOPLE SLEEPING UNDER THE WINDOW OF VAN CLEEF AND ARPELS. LOOK…I’M NOT NAIEVE…I KNOW THERE’S TERRIBLE POVERTY AND STARVATION AND SUFFERING EVERYWHERE. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOOK VERY FAR TO FIND IT. WHAT I’M SAYING IS THAT THE JUXTAPOSITION IS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE IN NEW YORK CITY. AND I GUESS MY O.C.D. HAS PLAYED A HUGE PART IN GETTING ME SO OVERLY FOCUSSED ON IT.
OH BROTHER.
I MUST SAY, TORONTO SEEMS CALM TONIGHT. VERY CALM…EVEN WITH ALL THESE MURDERS BEING BLARED OUT ON THE ELEVEN O’ CLOCK NEWS. ALWAYS REMEMBER KIDDIES, THERE ARE INNUMERABLE THINGS THAT EXIST THAT WE CANNOT SEE WITH THE NAKED EYE…ENERGY IN MANY FORMS IS ONE OF THEM…THIS IS NIGHT AND DAY FROM LAST NIGHT. BELIEVE ME, I CAN FEEL IT TONIGHT. RIGHT AFTER LEAVING PEARSON AIRPORT IN THE LIMO AFTER LANDING FROM LA GUARDIA, I FELT IT. IT’S LESS MANIC HERE. SOME PREFER THAT, AND SOME PREFER THE OTHER. I’M NOT JUDGING OR CASTING ASPERSIONS IN THE SIGHTEST…ONLY TYPING OBSERVATIONS.
AND DAMN………I NEVER GOT DOWN TO THE VILLAGE. THERE A WHOLE WEEK, AND NEVER EVEN GOT MUCH CLOSER THAN SOME ELECTRONICS STORE ON 17TH OR 18TH…BUT THAT IN ITSELF WAS ALMOST BETTER. THIS PLACE WAS RUN BY HASIDIC JEWS. ALL WITH YARMULKES AND THE PAYOS…BUT NOT JUST “CASUAL” PAYOS, I MEAN THE REAL DEAL, IN SOME CASES HANGING A GOOD TWO INCHES BELOW THE CHIN. I MEAN NO DISRESPECT HERE, I’M ONLY COMMENTING ON HOW BIZARRE IT LOOKED WHEN WE ENTERED THE PLACE.
AND WHAT AN ELECTRONICS STORE THIS WAS…THEY HAD ANYTHING MY MIND COULD CONJURE UP. THEY HAD ON DISPLAY (FOR “SHOW AND TELL” OUR SERVICE GUY TOLD US) ONE OF THESE CAMERAS FROM THE WILD WEST WHEN PHOTOS WERE JUST STARTING TO BE TAKEN…THE ONES YOU SOMETIMES SEE IN THE WESTERN MOVIES WHERE COWBOYS ARE POSING WHILE SOME GUY CROUCHES DOWN AND PUTS A BLANKET OVER HIS HEAD AND HOLDS UP A DEAL IN THE AIR AND A PUFF OF SMOKE GOES OFF…YOU KNOW THE DRILL…I’D NEVER SEEN ONE IN REAL LIFE BEFORE. WOW…WE FROM PLACES LIKE WINNIPEG AND VICTORIA AND MAYBE EVEN LOS ANGELES, JUST HAD NEVER SEEN AN ELECTRONICS STORE QUITE LIKE THIS PLACE BEFORE…SO BY THE END OF THE DAY WE GOT A GREAT DEAL ON SOME WONDERFUL STUFF FOR SHOOTING LOCATION FOOOTAGE AND I TOLD OUR SERVER THAT HE HAD DONE A MITZVAH, AND HE LAUGHED OUT LOUD…I GUESS I LOOK MORE GOYISHE THAN I THOUGHT, BECAUSE HE CLEARLY WASN’T EXPECTING ME TO SAY THAT.
GOOD GRIEF…WE DID SO MUCH IN A WEEK…IT’S THE ENERGY. AND THE PORTIONS OF FOOD AT CARNEGIE DELI ARE EVEN MORE OUTRAGEOUS THAN I EVER REMEMBER THEIR BEING.
TONIGHT, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME, I SENSE THE JUXTAPOSITION BETWEEN THE U.S. AND CANADA. MONTREAL FOR ALL ITS NIGHT TIME ACTIVITY IS STILL MAYBERRY COMPARED TO NYC. REALLY, PEOPLE MAY TELL YOU THAT SUCH AND SUCH OR SUCH AND SUCH IS MORESO SOMETHING OR OTHER THAN NEW YORK…
DON’T YOU EVER BELIEVE THEM…NOT FOR A SECOND. AND ONE MORE TIME, I’LL SUGGEST EVER SO STRONGLY, THAT THOSE OF YOU WHO READ THIS AND HAVE NEVER BEEN GO AND FEEL IT FOR YOURSELVES…IF YOU CAN GET THERE AT ALL, DO IT…IT WILL BE A JOLT, IF NOTHING ELSE…
IT’S A CITY OF EXCESS…I ONLY SPENT ONE WEEK THERE, AND SEE HOW MUCH I’VE TYPED TONIGHT…?
AND I’VE BARELY SAID ANYTHING………..